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Men Joke
Men and their tools
Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain
on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain
on oneself.
Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you
call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage
you did while trying to change out a light socket with your
handy screwdriver.
Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when
the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.
Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary
few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind
the new wall it took you two weeks to install.
Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous
tools. Best left in it's leather sheath and worn on a homeowner's
belt to increase testosterone levels.
Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes
off when you point it at yourself.
Halogen Light - A work light that lights up your backyard
with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you
to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so
that you need to use a flashlight anyway.
Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution
90% over a standard plug-in tool.
Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.
Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal
to harnessing the power of your mother-in-law's nagging complaints
and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the
side of the house.
Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that
you accidentally built completely around yourself.
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