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Bar Joke
Bad luck trying to hide
A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands,
"Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm
so mad, I can't even see straight." The bartender, noticing
that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him
a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink
and says, "Gimme another one." The bartender pours
the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why
don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so
upset?"
So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in
the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and
actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow,
this has never happened before." You know, it was kind
of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the
blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her
hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe
this was happening, and I hadn't had a good meal in quite
a while. I managed to nod my head yes, so she grabs my hand
and starts walking out of the bar. This seemed just too good
to be true."
He continued, "She took me down the street here to a
nice hotel and up to her room. She said to relax, watch some
TV, and that she would be ready to go down to the restaurant
in a few minutes. But, as soon as I put my feet up and reclined
my chair, I heard some keys jingling and someone starts fumbling
with the door."
"The blonde says, 'Oh my god, it's my boyfriend. He
must have lost his wrestling match tonight, he's gonna be
real mad. Quick, hide!'"
"So, I opened the closet, but I figured that was probably
the first place he would look, so I didn't hide there. Then
I looked under the bed, but no, I figured he's bound to look
there, too. By now, I could hear the key in the lock. I noticed
the window was open, so I climbed out and was hanging there
by my fingers, praying that the guy wouldn't see me."
The bartender says "Well I can see how you might be
a bit frustrated at this point."
"Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door
open and he yells out, 'Who you been with now, you witch?'
The girl says, 'Nobody, honey, now calm down.'"
Well, the guy starts tearing up the room. I hear him tear
the door off the closet and throw it across the room. I'm
thinking, 'Boy, I'm glad I didn't hide in there.' Then I hear
him lift up the bed and throw it across the room. Good thing
I didn't hide under there either. Then I heard him say, 'What's
that over there by the window?' I think, 'Oh God, I'm dead
meat now.'
But, the blonde by now is trying real hard to distract him
and convince him to stop looking. Well, I hear the guy go
into the bathroom and I hear water running for a long time;
I figure maybe he's gonna take a bath or something, when all
of a sudden, the jerk pours a pitcher of scalding hot water
out of the window right on top of my head. I mean, look at
this, I got second degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!"
The bartender says, "Oh man, that would have gotten
me mad for sure." "No, that didn't really bother
me. Next, the guy starts slamming the window shut over and
over on my hands. I mean, look at my fingers. They're a bloody
mess. I can hardly hold onto this glass."
The bartender looks at the guy's hands and says, "Yeah,
buddy, I can understand why you are so upset."
"No, that wasn't what really got me so angry though."
The bartender then asks in exasperation, "Well, then,
what did finally make you anger?"
"Well, I was hanging on the window, and I turned around
and looked down--I was only about six inches off the ground."
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